it’ll all be in the past

it’s my last day in my very first apartment and it’s more sweet than bitter, and yet, i’m still a little sad. i’m not sad to be leaving because this apartment is haunted and i’m glad to be locking the door for one last time. but it also means it’s time to go back to my hometown, for a little while anyway, so i can focus on getting better until i’m certainly ready to make another move.

i’ve made so many friends here. written so many stories. and it’s just starting to get good.

but that’s ok, because i can come back. and when i do, it’ll be different. i won’t have to close my eyes in a haunted room every night. i won’t have to keep myself company in an apartment that is way too big for me. it’ll be better.

i’m just so glad i made it to the other side. this year was the longest of my life. it was really messy and painful. heartbreak, moving away from my family, something akin to PTSD, and a relapse…

but do you know what? i made it. i got through it all. i did it. still working on the relapse bit, but i’m making strides. i’m alive and standing on the other side.

this i know:
if i can survive all those cold nights with nothing but my self-destructive thoughts to keep me warm, i can survive anything. i am not afraid.

and i’m not alone. i have a good team. my warriors, as i call them. i’ve lost a lot of friends this year but the ones i have now are the best i could ask for. and they’ll march with me confidently into whatever comes next.

and whatever that is, i promise it will be good. for me.

 

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