I’ve been reading a lot of stuff lately about why I shouldn’t care what others think and how a good life is built in the present, not the future.
All of this has me asking, what am I waiting for?
I feel like (and I have felt this way since I was a child) I am waiting for life to give me some sort of green light of permission to live the life I really want to live. But why am I waiting? Why do I feel like I’m at a traffic stop in the first place? Who put this red light here?
I did. Without even realizing it. As small children, we learn to inhibit many of our thoughts and actions. We learn to “behave” and be well-mannered to fit into a civilized society.
This is all fine and good, except I’m not a little kid anymore.
Somewhere along the line, as I was growing up–and I believe this is a common thing for many of us–I took this concept too far. It’s not just about acceptable manners anymore; it’s about acceptable thoughts, ideas, opinions, life decisions and even appearances.
As a child, I inhibited my inner voice in order to avoid being reprimanded by people who had clear authority over me: teachers, parents, etc. As an adult, I do the same thing to avoid being criticized by people whose opinions have virtually no value and no clear consequences.
I’m not at a red light. I’m at a fear stop.
I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of being afraid of things that don’t even exist in the physical realm.
Maybe I don’t need a green light. Maybe I’ll just go.
Read my follow-up to this post here.
Featured image via Pixabay