I’m Strong, But Not Invincible

Hello again, my loves! I know it has been a very, very long time since I last wrote you, and for that I do apologize. Actually, I believe the last time I wrote a full article exclusively for my blog was in July. That’s not good.

I did update you on my first few days at uni. The semester has recently come to an end, and now I have plenty of time to play ketchup (catch-up).

DSC_0516I made a whole group of friends almost immediately. It was awesome. The trick is to put yourself out there. I met my current roommate at “speed-friending” and some of my other friends I simply walked up to and started talking. It works!

I finally decided on a Public Relations major, so this semester was full of classes that are actually relevant to my major and what I want to do. Marketing was tough, but I made it out with a B and As in my other classes. Praise God!

It was an enjoyable semester. I definitely learned and grew a lot both inside and outside of the classroom. The new sense of independence is amazing, and I’m in love with my new city.DSC_0539

But I also have some bad news to share. Somewhere between midterms and finals, I relapsed. It really caught me off guard. This year has been so great that I started to believe I was invincible to relapse. I stopped going to counseling when I moved, and the first few weeks away were so good that I thought I could make it on my own. I let my guard down. I was no longer making my recovery a priority.

The weirdest part is that all the things that motivate me to stay on top of mms_20150903_222231.jpgmy health are the things that ended up stressing me out and triggering the disordered behaviors: classes, work, extra-curriculars, relationships—essentially, pushing myself to excel in everything that I took on and neglecting to take care of myself.

You have to be careful. When you think you’re on top of the world, you might be blindsiding yourself to reality. I knew going off to school was a risky move. I don’t regret my decision, but I do wish I had been more proactive in preventing a relapse. Great article on college and EDs here.

I’m not proud of my relapse, but I’m not ashamed either. It’s a part of recovery. I am proud of myself for catching it when I did and getting help. I reached out to my friends and family when I started getting the disordered thoughts again, and I started going to the counseling center on Snapchat-7113775357673908471campus. My new counselor is amazing and encouraged me to start blogging again, even in my relapse. I want you guys to know that I’m not giving up. We’re in this together.

I’m back in my old hometown for the holidays and my recovery efforts are picking up a lot faster now that the stress of school is gone for a while. I’m using the break to catch up on self care, do a lot of writing, have a lot of fun, and work on making sure this doesn’t happen again next semester. Balance is what I need. I was so excited to be in my new environment that I was just kind of running with the wind. It worked for a little while, but that kind of lifestyle isn’t sustainable. I’m working on creating routine. I’m starting with a meditation routine in the mornings (I use the Calm app). It gives me a sense of stability to begin the day with. I’ll work on adding more things to my routine gradually.

I did make it through Thanksgiving with the love and support of my IMG_2685friends and family, and I know I can make it through the rest of the holiday season, too.

One day at a time is a bit of a stretch, but one meal at a time is doable.

I hope you guys are enjoying your holidays and staying healthy. Don’t give up. I’m not. I’ve already seen how beautiful life in recovery is, and I’m not going back to the living hell I was in before.

Be back here Tuesday! Regular posts are making a comeback.

Stay strong, stay beautiful.

Xoxo, Annie

3 thoughts on “I’m Strong, But Not Invincible

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s